My brothers and sisters, sometimes we have to go through certain things that we do not want to. We have to endure turbulent times, loss of loved ones, or losses in terms of finances. Sometimes, we go through a divorce, or a stage where, perhaps, we are looking for a spouse and we haven’t found him or her yet.
This shows us that Allah (swt) is in control, and He tells us to bear with patience. Work towards what you’d like to achieve in the best possible way. Don’t sit back and say: “Oh, it’s been predestined already. Let me just sit back and wait.”
Wait for what? A job?
It’s not like the world knows that you’re a qualified person. So go, advertise, do something! Apply online and everywhere else. Let people interview you one, two, five, or ten times, and you might find a job, by the will of Allah (swt). But if you’re going to sit back and relax, trust me, your boss isn’t going to drop down from the ceiling and say: “Hey, I’ve got a job here and I need you!” They don’t know about you.
The same applies to marriage. You need to make an effort. You don’t just sit back, relax, and say: “It’s not in our culture to actually look for a spouse, so we’re just going to sit back and wait.” Well, are you going to wait until the day you die? Subhan’Allah. May Allah (swt) guide us.
Culture is very good as long as it does not contradict the Deen. The minute it goes against the Deen, what comes first: the Deen or the culture? I have heard people say: the Deen. I hope it does. Sometimes, our culture punishes us, but we cling to it, knowing that we are suffering or our family members are suffering.
You know what one of the cultures are? A younger girl is not allowed to marry, until all the siblings older than her get married. So we promote adultery and fornication. Everything is set but then Dada says: “No, you’ve got an elder sister. Wait.” Wait for what? What if marriage is not written in her destiny? So now I must also not be married? I must wait? No! You don’t have to wait for anyone. If the arrangement is ready, the third daughter or the fifth one or the son, or right at the bottom the youngest one can get married, Alhumdulillah! You can skip one, two, three, four, five, and get married, and let everyone be happy.
Are the parents ready to give up that mindless culture? The answer in a lot of cases is: “No I’m not, because I love my other children.” Well then, who suffers? You are forcing some kids, or one of the kids, to suffer. You’re forcing them to do something that is against Islam and Allah’s (swt) plan, just because you want to cling to something. May Allah (swt) help us.
I know I might have pressed a red button but, by Allah, it’s about time someone spoke about it. There are so many more matters like this. The issue of race: someone wants to marry a person, who belongs to a different race. Has Islam ever given you any instruction to be a racist? If anything, it’s the other way around. But, would you be ready? The answer is: “Heh, I don’t think so.” Astaghfirullah!
Why not? If you are a true Muslim, that culture stinks. Trust me – that bit of the culture smells bad, it has an odour. Don’t be a racist! Revert brothers complain that it is extremely difficult for them to get married, because some of the folks (parents and oldies) happen to look at them and say to their girls: “No way! You’re not marrying a revert!” For all I care they’re probably purer in the eyes of Allah (swt) than those who are born Muslims because their book (of deeds) started on later in life and yours started a long, long time before. Subhan’Allah.
So stop this racism! Stop it! That is the transformation we need; that is the change we need. Islam teaches us as Muslims that racism is Haram and prohibited – why do we still have racists amongst us or within us?
People might not like what is said, but you don’t have to like it. It just has to be truth. That’s it.
Imagine a person from a totally different race coming to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage, and she is keen and interested, Subhan’Allah. And you’re just being a block, not interested. Who are you? How are you going to answer Allah (swt) on the day when He resurrects you from soil and dust? What answer are you going to give in your grave? There was nothing wrong, the man came ahead, he came forth, he was of brilliant character and proper Deen… the only reason you shook your head was because he belonged to another race. Astaghfirullah. Is that Islam? No, it isn’t.
May Allah (swt) help us transform. May He help us change and be with us at all times. May these things be matters that are discussed – they are taboo in the society but not taboo in the eyes of Allah (swt). They need to be crushed. The barrier needs to be crossed, by the will of Allah (swt).
My brothers and sisters, it’s about time we turn to Allah (swt). Be patient upon what Allah (swt) tests you with. But don’t be foolish. This is why Prophet Muhammad (sa) instructed us to work hard to achieve what we want and seek the help of Allah (swt), without being lazy. If something does not go as planned, just say that it was the will of Allah (swt) and bear it patiently. We ask Allah’s (swt) forgiveness and turn a new leaf. We go back to Allah (swt).
Transcribed for Hiba Magazine by Asma Imran.